Thailand and Kenya

In my last blog before going on holiday to Thailand I promised you jokes about Thai prostitutes, but I can’t make any jokes because I didn’t see any prostitutes.  On the plus side I found myself to be very popular with the ladies in Bangkok, especially the ones with Adam’s apples.

We spent a few days in Bangkok swimming in people’s rooftop pools and generally being fabulous.  We devoted a day to the visual arts, and I can report that the new ‘Avengers Assemble’ film is excellent.   Also interesting is a visit to the Khao San Road to look at the backpackers, although you have to make sure you wash your hands if you touch any.

The Grand Palace is amazing, with its Temple of the Emerald Buddha, where a little green Buddha the size of a hamster sits on an enormous pile of golden and bejewelled paraphernalia.  There is also a sign saying ‘Beware of your Valuables’, which is good advice if you are worried your camera is going to bite you.  The lavatories are divided into Men, Women and Monk.

We went to the paradise beach locations of Koh Phi Phi and Railay, where we adopted the traditional Thai beach diet of prawn curry and Sangsom buckets.  When you arrive in Phi Phi you are herded by cattle prod into a boat to visit Maya Bay, which is every bit as underwhelming as the location for disappointing Hollywood blockbuster The Beach sounds, although they have cool urinals cut into the cliffs.  Phi Phi used to be a trashy resort with nothing but cheap hostels and sleazy bars, but the 2004 tsunami devastated it, enabling it to be rebuilt as a trashy resort with nothing but cheap hostels and sleazy bars.

I had a weekend in Kenya before returning to Juba, and a trip to Hell’s Gate national park was just the thing.  You can hire bikes and ride past antelopes, zebras and giraffes; if they all run in the same direction then it’s best to follow them.  Quite a good joke is to ride past another tourist at top speed, screaming “LION!!!!!!!!”, to see if they take the bait.

Another good thing to do in Nairobi on a Sunday is to visit the Karen Blixen house.  The traffic was light so we covered the 5 mile journey in under a day, and it turns out that an NGO ID from South Sudan is enough to prove one’s Kenyan residence and qualify for reduced admission.  In the gift shop they have a series of books about living with clinical depression and terminal disease, for some reason.