In 20 months in South Sudan I discovered a great deal about the world's newest nation, but I'm sorry to say that some mysteries remain.
A luggage trolley with 'Heathrow Airport' emblazoned on it found its way to active service at Juba airport. How the hell did that get there?
South Sudan has lots of oil but no pipeline, north Sudan has a nice pipeline but no oil, neither country has any money, and yet they still can't work out how they can each have some.
My football team (Juba Unathletic) was awarded a free kick by a referee who was promptly surrounded by angry members of the opposition. His method of calming them was to pull out a pistol from his shorts and level it at them. None of this is mysterious, or surprising; the real mystery here is the reaction of the players, which was to lift up their shirts and jab at their chests as if to say "go on, shoot me." In South Sudan if you pull a gun and don't shoot anyone then you are a coward. In what way is it a good idea to test whether the ref wanted to be a coward? Anyway, when a 15 man brawl ensued, with two AK47s being waved around, we called it a draw and left.
Soldiers in South Sudan are unable to shoot straight when fighting a war (I think that's why the civil war went on for 50 years, with a pause for half time), but if a middle aged Kenyan lady accidentally drives through a roadblock a soldier manages to shoot her in the head from 50 yards.
Our security manager used to sit at a desk with a huge detailed map of South Sudan in front of him. Habitually he would skype me when bored, with an amusing place name he had just spotted ("Boing" etc). The only mystery is something he spotted, and it is how the town of Longochuk (sic) is the capital of Longuchok (sic) County.
When you donate clothes to Africa, most of them end up in Konyo Konyo market in Juba. A lot of Western references are lost on Jubans, which explains why my friends have seen a burly shopkeeper wearing a Chippendales T-shirt, and a coal delivery man wearing a Santa hat in September. But even if he wasn't familiar with the reference, surely the 6'7" armed soldier in Rumbek must have been aware that a Hello Kitty T-shirt didn't suit his image?
When I came to South Sudan in December 2010 it was part of an enormous country on the brink of collapse. In July 2012 I left an independent nation on the brink of collapse. Other than separation, there has been tangible progress, in the form of Guor Marial's 47th place in the 2012 Olympic marathon, although he had to pretend to be a country on his own as South Sudan has no Olympic Committee. I can also report that Juba has more tarmac roads than it did in 2010, and a good Indian restaurant opened halfway through 2011. However, for as long as South Sudan loves Celine Dion, shiny silver suits and slimy okra stew, the road to recovery looks a rocky one.
Thanks for reading.
A luggage trolley with 'Heathrow Airport' emblazoned on it found its way to active service at Juba airport. How the hell did that get there?
South Sudan has lots of oil but no pipeline, north Sudan has a nice pipeline but no oil, neither country has any money, and yet they still can't work out how they can each have some.
My football team (Juba Unathletic) was awarded a free kick by a referee who was promptly surrounded by angry members of the opposition. His method of calming them was to pull out a pistol from his shorts and level it at them. None of this is mysterious, or surprising; the real mystery here is the reaction of the players, which was to lift up their shirts and jab at their chests as if to say "go on, shoot me." In South Sudan if you pull a gun and don't shoot anyone then you are a coward. In what way is it a good idea to test whether the ref wanted to be a coward? Anyway, when a 15 man brawl ensued, with two AK47s being waved around, we called it a draw and left.
Soldiers in South Sudan are unable to shoot straight when fighting a war (I think that's why the civil war went on for 50 years, with a pause for half time), but if a middle aged Kenyan lady accidentally drives through a roadblock a soldier manages to shoot her in the head from 50 yards.
Our security manager used to sit at a desk with a huge detailed map of South Sudan in front of him. Habitually he would skype me when bored, with an amusing place name he had just spotted ("Boing" etc). The only mystery is something he spotted, and it is how the town of Longochuk (sic) is the capital of Longuchok (sic) County.
When you donate clothes to Africa, most of them end up in Konyo Konyo market in Juba. A lot of Western references are lost on Jubans, which explains why my friends have seen a burly shopkeeper wearing a Chippendales T-shirt, and a coal delivery man wearing a Santa hat in September. But even if he wasn't familiar with the reference, surely the 6'7" armed soldier in Rumbek must have been aware that a Hello Kitty T-shirt didn't suit his image?
When I came to South Sudan in December 2010 it was part of an enormous country on the brink of collapse. In July 2012 I left an independent nation on the brink of collapse. Other than separation, there has been tangible progress, in the form of Guor Marial's 47th place in the 2012 Olympic marathon, although he had to pretend to be a country on his own as South Sudan has no Olympic Committee. I can also report that Juba has more tarmac roads than it did in 2010, and a good Indian restaurant opened halfway through 2011. However, for as long as South Sudan loves Celine Dion, shiny silver suits and slimy okra stew, the road to recovery looks a rocky one.
Thanks for reading.
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| Slightly below par road conditions in Kapoeta |
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| Football field in Juba - we won one and lost one here. I scored one own goal, in the win. |
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| Progress |
